24 DAYS AGO • 4 MIN READ

#4 Hurt the Most (But It Was True)

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With God, Her Story

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Let’s talk about something that gets a lot of buzz but is also wildly misunderstood: self-love.

Maybe you’ve heard someone say, “You just need to love yourself more!” it made your eyes roll so far back they almost got stuck. Or maybe you’ve tried the whole “self-love” thing and wondered why it felt awkward, self-indulgent, or even unspiritual.

Here’s the thing: self-love isn’t about being narcissistic or selfish. It’s about accepting yourself, taking care of your emotional and spiritual well-being, and recognizing your worth, which God Himself has already declared.

So, let’s bust some myths, shall we?

1. Self-love is selfish.

This is probably the #1 misconception—and let me tell you, it’s just not true. Loving yourself doesn’t mean ignoring others or refusing to serve. It means setting healthy boundaries, knowing when to say no, and recognizing that you matter too.

Jesus said to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). That’s right. Loving others starts with loving YOU.

Try this:
Say “no” this week to something that drains you and “yes” to something that restores you—without guilt.

2. Self-love means you have to be perfect.

Oh, sweet friend. Let’s toss perfectionism right out the window, shall we?

Self-love isn’t about fixing yourself to deserve love. It’s about embracing your imperfections, knowing they’re part of your story. God’s love isn’t performance-based, and your love for yourself shouldn’t be either.

Practice this:
Write down three flaws you’ve always judged yourself for. Then, write a sentence about how they’ve helped you grow.

3. You can’t love yourself if you make too many mistakes.

We’ve all made choices we regret. But that doesn’t disqualify you from love, including from yourself.

God’s grace covers your past, and self-love means letting go of shame and offering yourself forgiveness.

Do this:
Write a letter to your younger self—offer forgiveness, understanding, and love. (Yes, bring tissues.)

4. Self-love is all about bubble baths and chocolate.

I love a good lavender bath bomb and dark chocolate as much as the next person, but self-love goes way deeper.

It’s about the hard stuff—choosing rest, asking for help, saying no to toxic relationships, and doing the inner work.

Reflection prompt:
What’s one hard-but-loving decision you’ve been avoiding? Maybe today’s the day to take the first step.

5. Loving yourself means you’ll stop growing.

Nope. Self-love fuels growth by creating a safe inner space where you’re not constantly judging yourself.

When you love yourself, you’re more willing to try, fail, and try again. That’s how we grow.

Reminder:
Give yourself the same encouragement you’d give a best friend trying something new.

h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-you-have-to-feel-self-love-all-the-time">6. You have to “feel” self-love all the time.

Spoiler: you won’t. And that’s okay.

Self-love is a practice, not a permanent emotion. Some days you’ll feel confident and radiant. Other days, you’ll feel like a human puddle. But choosing to speak kindly to yourself, even on those days, is love.

Feelings are temporary; self-love is a long-term relationship.

7. It’s not spiritual to focus on yourself.

Many believe that focusing on themselves is unholy. But let’s be real: God cares about your heart, and part of caring for that heart is learning to love it like He does.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Ignoring that doesn’t make you humble—it makes you disconnected from divine love.

8. You need someone else to validate your worth.

We all crave connection. But depending on someone else for your worth is a recipe for heartbreak.

True self-love means recognizing your God-given value, even when no one else claps for you.

You don’t need someone to complete you—you’re already whole.

9. Once you “get” self-love, you’ll never struggle again.

Sorry, friend. There’s no graduation cap for self-love. It’s an ongoing, evolving relationship.

Some seasons will feel like progress; others, like a setback. Keep going anyway. You’re worth it.

Try this:
Create a “self-love survival kit” with affirmations, a journal, worship songs, snacks, and scripture cards.

10. You can’t love yourself unless everything is together.

Loving yourself starts right where you are, not when you lose 20 pounds, find a partner, or land that dream job.

You are not your circumstances. You are God’s beloved.

Practical Steps to Build Self-Love Daily

  1. Speak kindly to yourself—even in your head.
  2. Create boundaries that protect your peace.
  3. Take care of your body (not just to look good, but to feel good).
  4. Let God’s Word define your worth.
  5. Celebrate small wins—you’re doing better than you think!

Real-Life Example:
Jessica, a single mom, thought rest was a luxury. But she started taking just 15 minutes each morning to sip coffee, read scripture, and be still. Guess what? That tiny act of love changed her whole day—and her life.

5 Books to Deepen Your Self-Love Walk

Ready to keep growing? Here are five influential books that will light the path ahead:

  1. For when you feel unqualified, God says you’re more than enough.

You Are the Girl for the Job: Daring to Believe the God Who Calls You

$12.61
$19.99
  1. A roadmap to wholehearted living.

      The Gifts of Imperfection: 10th Anniversary Edition: Features a new foreword and brand-new tools

      $8.88
      $16.95
      1. Learn how to live a life led by love.

      Love is the Way: Holding on to Hope in Troubling Times

      $14.53
      $29.00
      1. Discover how to heal with compassion and faith.

      Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

      $11.57
      $17.99
      1. A classic that shows why boundaries are love.

      Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life

      $13.74
      $19.99

      With God, Her Story

      Subscribe & Grow! Join With God, Her Story for faith-based journaling inspiration that empowers women to grow spiritually, overcome self-doubt, and embrace transformation. Get devotionals, guided prompts, and practical insights to deepen your faith. Sign up today and start your journey!